יום שלישי, 4 בפברואר 2014

Anna's amazing sorcery powers - a Frozen recapped review: Part 1

So over the past weekend I have finally watched Frozen and boy was I not expecting any of this.

This dark modern Disney classic starts with displaying right off the bet its cruel main theme – the criminal neglect of children and its horrible consequences.




After the group of hunky ice miners leave the random kid behind to get lost in the woods without even so much as a dismissing glance we move to Anna and Elsa's room, where we first learn of Anna's incredible reality altering powers and the ability to manifest movie-advancing-yet-useless-plot-wise elements – from basic molecular changes like hair color to more advanced techniques such as mind manipulation and space distortion.


The girls are having an all around good and extremely dangerous fun when the most unexpected thing happens -



The king then proclaims he possesses the knowledge of how to give his now crippled daughter the idea she is not a lesser human being for her mismatched hair and the jolly family leaves on a life-changing quest.


This is also the first time we learn that not a single member of the royal family gives a single fuck about Arendelle and run away from their responsibilities as often as possible.


On their way to wherever Anna's powers act up and attract to themselves the innocent child from the film's opening sequence, who is still lost alone in the woods.



The elder troll then channels Anna's powers to alter her memory for no reason whatsoever – what would Anna forgetting about Elsa's power accomplish besides taking away her parents' responsibility of teaching her the meaning of "No stop you fucking idiot"?


It's obvious it doesn't work because she continues endangering herself at any given chance


and nobody gives a fuck. At this point Anna's PLOT powers must have sensed that nobody has character traits yet, so they manifested themselves by telling Elsa to have character traits.







So three years have passed during which their parents had the unfortunate luck of being Disney parents and thus they have come to an early demise. Anyway, back to Anna's amazingballs powers and her sister's much less important coronation ceremony, both of which are equal candidates for being the driving force behind the arrival of the rest of the cast at Arendelle.




Meanwhile at the castle, princess Anna awakes to act totally not like the other princesses that preceded her.


And by that I mean she is interested in nothing BUT finding her true love.



Obviously what everybody in the palace found to be a proper way of dealing with a shut-in child possessing supernatural abilities is to just let her run around. It worked so well the last time, what could possibly go wrong?



So yes, we are introduced to prince Hunk of the southern isles who was summoned forth by Anna's amazing PLOT powers and what a HUNK and sensible human being. Favorite character right off the bat. I mean LOOK AT HIM!


Well whatever it's coronation time!




PRINCE HUNK IS BACK! ALL IS FORGIVEN! BLESS THE LORD!
So after Anna and Hunk bond over their mutual childhood abuse they get engaged, and in no less than a single musical number! That's True Love™ if I ever saw one.


Elsa on the other hand never did and she freaks out at the sight of it and runs away.




Following in both her sister's and her parents' footsteps Anna decides to leave the kingdom (because fuck Arendelle is why) in prince Hunk's hands, which is, although spontaneous, is the best decision ever – getting engaged to a hunky stranger and leaving all your earthly possessions in his charge is truly a sigh of a woman with her own agency. She climbs her horse and leaves in pursuit of her sister.


Doesn't her horse looked kinda familiar tho...?






~TO BE CONTINUED IN PART 2~

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